Dealing with bullies

By Katie Wilson
Times West Virginian

FAIRMONT October 07, 2008 10:58 pm

— A bully is one thing parents just can’t protect their children from.
Most parents dread the thought of their child being picked on for any reason, but when there’s seemingly no reason, it just makes the whole situation worse.
Marion County schools are just like any other school district across the country, and there are bullies. However, the schools are doing everything in their power to prevent bullying at every level.
Ray Frazier, the county’s Safe and Drug Free Schools coordinator, said there are several programs available countywide to teach children about bullying, from preventing and reporting a bully to identifying bullying behavior.
Each year, Frazier and other county school officials evaluate the programs and the number of bullying incidents throughout the schools. Based on that information, the prevention programs are working, he said.
Each school also has individualized programs. At Watson Elementary, counselor Wendy Werner and the school staff determined bullying is a problem, but so is discourteous behavior.
“If students are being polite, it’s hard to be a bully,” Werner said.
Werner started the “Kindness Counts and Manners Matter” campaign last year. The campaign focuses on what students should be doing, like having good manners and being aware of how their behavior effects others. The program dovetails nicely with bullying-prevention programs taught by Werner and other staff members.
Monique Call, counselor at Fairview Middle, speaks to individual classes about bullying and helps school administration deal with individual problems as they arise.
Both Call and East Fairmont High counselor Lori Haggerty have high praise for the county’s peer-mediation program. In that program, certain students are trained to be an unbiased party to help other students resolve disputes. While it wasn’t designed to help with preventing or resolving bullying, it does have an influence.
“These (participating) students are trained and can see the effects of what words can do to someone,” Call said.
If your child is being bullied, communication is key.
Frazier said the first thing a parent should do if their child reports bullying behavior is contact the school. Whether it’s the parents reporting the situation or the children, someone should talk to the teacher, principal or counselor about the situation. If it’s happening on the bus, Call said, let the bus driver know there’s a problem.
Werner noted school officials can’t handle a problem if they don’t know it’s happening.
“Parents shouldn’t feel shy about reporting something their child tells them,” she said. “It’s always best to be on the safe side. Everyone comes to Watson to have a safe learning environment emotionally and physically.”
Once the report is made, frequently parents have to pick up the pieces of a child that doesn’t want to go to school or is suffering from self-esteem issues because of bullying.
Haggerty said it’s especially hard for victims to understand that the problem is the bully and his or her problems, not the victim.
“Sometimes it’s about having power over another person and displaying that power,” she said.
Haggerty said she has told her children to brush off bullies and not give them a reaction.
“It’s the reaction they’re looking for,” she said.
E-mail Katie Wilson at kwilson@timeswv.com.

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